I still feel empty. It's like I'm not even the same person anymore. How long does it take to get over one girl? I feel like in the relationship, I felt great. But I had no idea I would be quite this broken at the end. My dad has heard me sleep talking and saying "Emily come back, I feel broken" and "I just wanna feel ok again." Now what's weird about this is that I have no idea where those came from. I don't want Emily back now that I know she changed herself to become more like me. When we were together she was a nice beautiful Christian girl who just had a broken past. But little did I know that she was still living that broken past and loving it. When she sent lusty pictures to Caleb, she probably thought that it wouldn't hurt anyone and that it would just give Caleb a good time. But the people who really were hurt the most were me and her parents. Her parents don't even know yet, because that slut sent those on another girls phone from her soccer team.
I don't know, I just feel like If I could have a girl in my Arms I would be ok. But isn't that what I said before all this. It's like a never ending mental illness that I can't rid myself of. It's like everytime I just want a little more. At first I was like: If only I could have a girlfriend I would be happy. Then I was like: if only I could have THAT girlfriend I would be happy. Then I was like if only I could have a first kiss I would be content. Then I was like: if only I could make out with her I would be content. WHERE DOES THIS END?? I don't want to have sex, I don't want disobey god. I just want a godly woman that I can eventually marry. Someone who makes my heart jump a little when they look into my eyes. A woman who's beauty and intelligence astounds me daily. A woman I can have intellectual conversations with, but not still be humble. I feel as though everyday I should pray for this. God has a plan for me, I am certain of it. And I have to find a way to let my heart let him take control. I don't want to be grieving over Emily. It's in the past, and she is not who she used to be. I pray that God help me through this terrible time.
I don't know, I just feel like If I could have a girl in my Arms I would be ok. But isn't that what I said before all this. It's like a never ending mental illness that I can't rid myself of. It's like everytime I just want a little more. At first I was like: If only I could have a girlfriend I would be happy. Then I was like: if only I could have THAT girlfriend I would be happy. Then I was like if only I could have a first kiss I would be content. Then I was like: if only I could make out with her I would be content. WHERE DOES THIS END?? I don't want to have sex, I don't want disobey god. I just want a godly woman that I can eventually marry. Someone who makes my heart jump a little when they look into my eyes. A woman who's beauty and intelligence astounds me daily. A woman I can have intellectual conversations with, but not still be humble. I feel as though everyday I should pray for this. God has a plan for me, I am certain of it. And I have to find a way to let my heart let him take control. I don't want to be grieving over Emily. It's in the past, and she is not who she used to be. I pray that God help me through this terrible time.
